I’ve been hiding.
I don’t know what happened, but burnout comes to mind.
Being a mom to a wild 5-year old, relationship woes and relationship highs and then woes again. So much education on creating a business that it has all turned into a sort of humming in my head and I can’t make a decision to save my life.
Losing the desire to paint or create anything, and being an artist, I was (am) scared that the desire may never come back. Searching and searching for answers and my purpose ‘out there’ and making decisions and then second guessing all of those decisions, so I make none at all. This was my life up until a week ago.
Then I realized that I was laying fallow. Replenishing, taking in nutrients, learning and letting go of things that didn’t serve anymore. Restocking the pond (as my BF would say).
I’m still emerging from hibernation-checking out the new ground and sniffing the air. No painting or creating as of yet, but that’s ok-it’s waking up,
Mind you, this process is not done on a bed of roses with oceans of time to kill–it’s done with a wild, cherished child to raise, dishes to clean, jobs to do, seven loads of laundry every Saturday, bills to pay, relationships to nurture etc etc etc. But the one thing that has changed is that I take time (whatever I have) to take a breath (a real one, not the shallow breaths that keep you barely alive). Watch the sunrise while everyone is still asleep and stop to listen to my own wisdom ( I do have a little in the deepest part of my knowing) and it helps. It helps me relax and trust (I’m not great at the trust but working on it). Trust in the magic parts of your days– the tiny, beautiful miracles that pass in the blink. Notice them, jot them down on old gum wrappers and collect them, read those moments so you start believing in magic again, in the timing of things, in your timing. But if I’m honest, I’m so ready for Spring.